It’s that time of year when everyone should be in a jolly mood. Christmas is here, snow is on the ground in some places and Santa is getting everything packed for his journey around the world. Meantime we have to gladly put up with a sunny day, temps around 84, but that’s Christmas in Florida. So have a few chuckles and laughs with these Christmas jokes and cartoons at the “AAN Christmas Comedy Corner”.
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It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one for her family Christmas dinner.
In desperation she called went over to a clerk and said, ‘Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?’ With a straight face he answered, ‘No, ma’am, they’re all dead.’
Why do transvestites love Christmas? Because that’s when they can don their gay apparel.
On the first Xmas, the first of three Wise Men stepped carefully into the stable but sank his golden slipper into a big pile of manure. ”Jesus Christ!” he yelled. Mary was beside the manger and turned to her husband and said, “Now, Joseph, isn’t that a better name for the kid than Irving?”
A little girl goes to see Santa Claus at the local shopping mall. When she arrives and sits down on Santa’s lap Santa asks “What do you want for Christmas little girl?”. “I want a Barbie and a GI Joe” says the little girl. “But Barbie comes with Ken” Santa says, “No, Barbie only ‘cums’ with GI Joe!”
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells” . Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “They’re Carols”.
Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ? Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.
It’s a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”
“Oh no, not now, let’s look at the moon!” said Rosita. “Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it’s the perfect time,” Pedro begged.
“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.” replied Rosita.“Please, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.” Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang…..”Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”
I hope we brought a little smile or a chuckle your way to brighten the holiday season with these jokes and cartoons at the AAN Christmas Comedy Corner. Check the “Art of Adult” this Thursday, Christmas Eve, for a very adult X rated version of “The Night Before Christmas”.
Art Koch, National Features & DVD Editor, NightMoves Magazine and AAN
